Why Adopt?

Sometimes when I am out with my kids I feel people wondering about our family structure. I feel it necessary to clear the air with .... Eli is adopted. Not that it is really anyone's business but somehow I feel obligated to provide an explanation of why he doesn't look like the rest of my family. Naturally, the next question I believe most people are thinking is "Why did you adopt?" A natural question I think. After all we are not the "I can't have a kid so I will adopt" couple. No, in fact we did have a child first, Abi. Then we chose to adopt.

The reasons for us adopting are varied I think. I remember back to 6th grade when I first began sponsoring a child. I think even then God was giving me a tender heart to help children far away who had no one to help them. But the real story of us specifically looking into adoption began in November 2002.

Jeff and I had been married for nearly 4 years. It was Thanksgiving and my Granddad had called a family meeting. To this point in time the kids (me, my sister, and my brother) knew that Grandma was sick, but we didn’t know what she had. This was the day we were told. Grandma had Huntington’s Disease and it is a genetic disease. Not only that, but my Dad has it too. (For more information about Huntington's see hdsa.org). This meeting will probably always be ingrained in my mind. That night my husband and I talked for a long time. Over the next few days we jointly decided that I would be tested for the disease and if I had it we would not have biological children. I think everyone comes to such decisions in different ways. As we were making this decision, for us it was a matter of not deferring the issue on to our children. We didn’t want our kids to have to make this same decision. We also did not want to propagate this disease. If I had Huntington’s I did not want for my children to have to suffer the same fate. I am not saying this is the right decision for everyone, but it was the decision my husband and I felt was right for our family. However, since we still wanted to have a family, adoption became our backup plan of sorts.

So, in the Fall of 2003 I underwent genetic testing. There were mixed reactions from my family members. Some were very supportive of me being tested. Others wished I were not being tested. However, on Thanksgiving 2003, exactly one year after we became aware of Huntington's we were able to share the good news that I do not have Huntington’s disease. Subsequently, we decided to have a child, and I gave birth to Abigail in January 2005. For some, this would have been the end of all discussion of adoption. However, this was when we began to feel a call from God to adopt. No longer were we considering adoption because we wanted a family and felt we could or should not have kids. Now we felt God leading us to adopt for His purposes.

Adoption for us was originally our backup plan, as it probably is for most people when they get married. We want to see ourselves, physically, in our children. Abi has her Daddy's eyes and my skin. However, I have found that even in raising Abi, I see myself in her learned behaviors far more than in her physical characteristics. The way she responds, not always the best is due to how I respond. The way she organizes things that's from me too. I feel that Abi's life is affected more by how we raise her than that she has our genes. It is the classic nature vs. nurture issue. I fall mostly on the side of nurture. If Abi were not raised by us I think her life and her choices, her personalilty and her behaviors could be very different. I believe she is who she is because we raise her as we do, for better or worse. I feel this will be true of Eli as well. I believe he will reflect us in many ways, though not physical. He will learn much of his behavior from us and will develop as he does because of our interaction in his life. I do not so much care anymore that he does not have his Daddy's eyes or my skin. We are his parents and our behavior will greatly imact his life, far more I believe than the fact that he does not look like us.

Initially adoptoin was my 2nd choice, an alternative if I could not or would not have children. However, now I see adoption as God's will for my family. I see His hand all along the way, as I hope you will too as I share my store. I see His plan for my son played out in our home and with us guiding him. Adoption is the heart of God, and I am so proud and yet greatly humbled that He called us to seek out His heart.